Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize