seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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