I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
false alarm. still invincible.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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