Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
