Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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