i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
