dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
