I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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