Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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