...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I can't turn off my feet"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
