Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
