What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
