I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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