GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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