Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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