There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
