Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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