What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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