I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
