I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
