dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
