just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
