Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize