I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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