Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize