dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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