Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
