I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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