exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
