wat bout pragnant strippers??
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
