Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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