best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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