I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
