It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
