someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
