I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
