Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
