why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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