Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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