You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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