well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
