Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
