He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Alive.
So much puke
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
