"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
