Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize