Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
