I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
