i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
