you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
