I didn't shave. On purpose
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize