singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
