Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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