No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
