Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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