So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
