I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
third nipple confirmed
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
