swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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