you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
