So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You are the jesus of drinking
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
