i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am available for nakedness
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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