he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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