Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
