Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
