Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize