woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
