Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
