i just sent this text using only my big toe
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
