i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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