Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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